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It took years for me to realize a relationship is not a romance movie.At some point in our lives, we may believe that love should be like the kind of romance we see portrayed in films, television, and novels.The unintentional outcome of loving others more deeply is that are loved more deeply.You may look to things such as romance and constant togetherness to fill a void in yourself. If you unconsciously expect to receive love in certain ways to avoid giving that love to yourself, you will put your sense of security in someone else.Here are 10 ways to create true intimacy, find pure love, and be truly happy in your relationship: Relationships aren’t about having another person complete you, but coming to the relationship whole and sharing your life interdependently.By letting go of the romantic ideal of merging and becoming “one,” you learn as Rainer Maria Rilke says, to love the distances in relationship as much as the togetherness of them.By feeling safe and secure to be on your own within the framework of relationship, you will feel more complete, happy, and whole.

For most of my 20s (and even my early 30s) I had a perfect fairy-ideal of what romantic love was, probably because I was an actress and loved drama back then.

When you realize that more often than not you don’t really know your partner, you begin to discover who they are and how they change and evolve.

The key is to see the other as a mirror and learn from the reflection how you can be a better person.

Draw upon your own inner-resources to offer love, attention, and nurturance to yourself when you need it.

Then you can let love come to you instead of putting expectations on what it needs to look like.

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